I don't think i am ready to face whatever that is drawing near really soon
I dont think i have been treating God fairly. (Duh!)
I dont think i have been leading a good christian life.
I dont think i deserve the grace and help from God but i really need his help.
I think i am heading for straight.........
I think i am in deep trouble
I think leading a life with no goal or aim can be rather disturbing and frightening especially when....
I think i can no longer hold on anymore.
I am thankful for
-God because no matter how unworthy or distant i am from him, he always call me back to him and he just keep calling and calling and calling. But what on earth am i doing?? I have no idea! All i know is deep down in my heart, i really really love him and wish i could give everything i have to him. All my fears, doubts, weaknesses, disillusions, unworthiness etc etc. Basically all those negative aspect of my life and me.
-My family because they are there all the time although i hardly speak to them lately.
-My Godma for always being there for me and for her constant reassurance and reminders. She never fails to help me out whenever i needed her. : ) oh yes... My friend and I had a mini discussion today and we concluded that Godmas are the best being in the world! : D I LOVE HER MUCH!!!!!!!!!
-Rock. She is one of a kind who will go all out for her friends. A friend who cares unconditionally, gives without hesistation and understand without explanation. She never fails to make me a happier person. Although its been a short while, it seems like i've known her for years! If there is a friend i am gratful for today and everyday, it will have to be her! :)
- ALL MY FRIENDS!! : ) Without them, life will be totally different.
I now fully understand and comprehend how difficult and harsh reality of life can be. It is only because of those special people in your life that allows you to walk through all these. It definitely will be one which is full of challenges, obstacles and trials but it is in overcoming them that makes life more accomplished and meaningful. I know it is easily said that done and giving up or escaping might be an easier way out. However, we werent born to be weaklings. We or at least I have to be strong and clear-headed to face it courageously.
I never felt this way before. So lost, So tired, So worn out... I am going in circle and heading no where. If only dreams can be reality. Things would and definitely will be so much better and life will be easier to bear.. I want to rest, rest, rest and have more rest.. BUT i know i cant.
Pearl, maybe it is time you wake up and face reality. It may not be an easy one but you have chosen it and you have no choice but to go through it. Not only go through it, but go through it emerging a stronger person with the endless graces and love from God.
