Been quite sensitive of late and I am tired but somehow I refuse to give up (Could it be You urging me on?) I just hope to see this period through and well. I leave it in Your hands. Continue to remind everyday that nothing is impossible when You are concerned and that Your grace is sufficient for me.

Fear of the future.

Its strange how while reading a case study on Gillette, the thought of growing up suddenly scares me. So irrelevant.  All of a sudden, growing up doesn't seem that "fun" or something worth looking forward towards. Its so scary. You become more aware of your surroundings, you have more cares to face and the fear that as you age, the people around you are as well and there is that one "fine" day where they will leave.

What have I done so far in my life? Have I really lived the life I am meant to live? How is tomorrow, one week, one month and one year from now gonna be? Will I change into someone that I myself cannot recognise? What will I be doing or what should I be doing? Its all a one big question mark. How far can I plan ahead? and we all jolly well know that having plans never actually work because of all the changes that will happen along the way.

Somehow I am just so paralysed by all these fears that aren't suppose to be all that important right now. Talking about taking one step at a time. Sheesh. On one hand, I know that I have been blessed beyond measures and I shouldn't be worried about what is to come, but... Sigh.



Maybe what I fear most is emptiness, failure and the lack of a fulfilling live. Really? Don't even exactly know what or why I am feeling the way I do right now.

You put the light - Brandon Heath

This spark is shot to the heart
You are the hope that leads me out of the dark
You let Your love shine down
So that the world could see
You put the light in me

Somehow death seems scarier when you're not the "victim" but someone you love dearly.
Whatever decision you make, may it be blessed by the almighty.

no matter what, you got to hang in there, you hear me??!??! :(

I wish I could hug you and tell you things will be alright
But deep down inside I'm all confused and afraid.
Confuse as to how to talk to you
and Afraid that you will leave me so soon.

All I could do now is to pray and cry to myself from afar
I really wished things are gonna be okay.
I know you will have to leave someday
but I wasn't expecting it to be so sudden.

I want to talk to you
but I know even before I start, tears will just flow.
I guess I just don't tell you enough
How much you mean to me and how much I love you.

You were like a mum to me
A friend who I can talk to and be comfortable with.
I don't want to to lose you
because I don't know how to deal with it.

I tell myself its for the better if you really needed to go
but I cant convince my heart and mind to accept that
I really hope you'll be alright
Because if you do leave, I really don't know how I'll deal with it
I really have no clue how to.

Maybe denial will help me for now...

God, if you hear my cries
Please make everything alright.