Words Must Wait

Don't talk to me yet;
the wound is fresh,
the nauseous pain
I can't forget
fades into numbness
like a wave,
then come again.
Your tears I understand,
but grief is deaf;
It cannot hear the words
you gently planned and tried to say

But...

Pray....

Ruth Bell Graham
From Sitting By My Laughing Fire

"Faith is... Remembering I am God's priceless treasure when I feel utterly worthless."
~ Pamela Reeve

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A little girl was visiting her grandmother in the country. One evening they sat and enjoyed the panorama of stars in the heavens- such sparkling brillance the little hadn't seen, living in the city with all the lights. She was in awe of the beauty and said to her grandmother, "If heaven is so beautiful on the wrong side, what must it be like on the right side?"

Its funny how night and day can play such an integral role as to how you're feeling.

State of the unconscious heart

As darkness slowly creeps in
The familar scenes start replaying
The same old tune of the night
The uncontrollable feelings of the heart.

Entertaining them seemed like the ideal way to go
But with each step you take
It only gets deeper and darker
With each beat of it
The viscious cycle continues

It slowly engulf every bit of your sanity
Savoring every moment of it
Over time, the control over it is lost
You go with the flow
Allowing yourself to sink even further

But through it all you realise
That embracing and acknowledging
was the best way out of it
That praying and believing
will lead you of out it
That understanding and accepting
will help you come to terms with it.

After great pain, a formal feeling comes

After great pain, a formal feeling comes --
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs
The stiff Heart questions, was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The Feet, mechanical, go round --
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought --
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone --

This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor --
then the letting go --

Emily Dickinson

Sitting by the window

Sitting by the window
Basking in the solitary night
With a mind that is wandering
And a heart that is not right.

Sitting by the window
Trying to set my thoughts aright
But some tasks are just too challenging
That it is not worth giving it a try

Sitting by the window
Hoping for some enlightenment
However with a clouded sight
Even the most beautiful moments turn ugly overnight

Sitting by the window
With tears trickling down my eyes
I thought I could contain it
But it was all a lie

Sitting by the window
With the anguish pain still there
I attempted to reconcile
"All In Vain" was the words that came to mind

Sitting by the window
I tried to figure out why?
But some things are just unexplainable-
Like the extreme pain inflicted leaving no trace behind...

Letting Go

I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me
And then one night
Out of the blueI heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that's what He wants
Every heart to do
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand

Why be afraid
For God knows what you're feeling
But even He can't do a thing
If He sees the heart's not willing
And so we ask what's going on
We want what's right and still do wrong
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you'll understand
Just let go and you'll understand

Nobody knows how weak I am,
Better than you.
Nobody sees all of my needs
Better than you
And nobody has the power to change me
To what I was called to be
Jesus be strong in my weakness
Empower me.

Empower me
Like a rushing river flowing to the sea
Lord, send your Holy Spirit
Flowing now through me
Till i'm living as your child
Victorious and free
Send the power of your love
Empower me


Nobody's eyes see through my soul
Better than yours
Nobody's love can make me whole
No love but yours
And nobody has the power to lift me
To reach for eternity.
Jesus break through all my defences
Empower me.


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Thank you for this, Lord.
Thank you for this feeling today though it had a huge impact on me
Thank you for showing that you are there
Thank you for letting me know that you still love me
Thank you for the peace which you have set in my heart for that 20mins spent with you
Thank you for drying my tears
Thank you for reminding me that I can turn to you anytime..
Thank you for making me realise again that I must alway lean on you.

Lord, today was indeed a very hard day. It was emotional, nerve wreaking and very intense.
I nearly crumble and give it all up and walk away. WALK AWAY...
I felt all alone, broken, useless and extremely disappointed with myself.
I was walking this endless road, dying, with no one to save me.
I felt as though no bobody can really understand what went through my mind.

BUT you, Lord prove me all wrong.
I was shocked and taken aback when she messaged me
because she mentioned that she had class.
I was stunned that she felt the exact same way as me
and suddenly I felt I wasnt alone.
I then told her my plans and she agreed to tag along.
Little did I know that she wanted to go there too.
After adoration, I asked her, "so what made you message me"
She said, "I dont know.. My mind was in a mess and i couldn't take it!
Thus I called my mum and she asked me to go to church. I was thinking of who
I could ask and suddenly I remembered you. But before I could ask you, you mentioned
to me that you wanted to go there too. "


I was amazed at how things went and how God's hand was on this matter.
Although adoration didn't make me change drastically as to how I feel,
I felt peaceful for that 20-30 mins and It was sufficient, Lord. Sufficient.
You heard my plead and cries, Oh Lord.

I don't know what is installed for me
and I dont know how I am going to make it through this.
I don't know what tomorrow brings for me.
You can say I'm afraid of this uncertainty Lord.
Everything changes over time. Everything.
But Lord, I know one thing never changes and that is your love for me.
By leaning on your grace and love, Help me see through this...

And my friend told me something that set me thinking about myself...
Am I really whom she described me to be?
Maybe what she said has some degree of truth in it.
No one will really know except God and myself.
Don't my inner feelings and thoughts reflect who I am on the outside?
Am I really that good in pretending that life is going well on the surface
But then is tumbling and crushing down deep within me??
Indeed, the biggest enemy one can ever have is you, yourself.

Its been a long time since someone told me such things.
Maybe its time I find some time to reflect on what she said
and through this, discover more about myself.
The journey of self-discovery is never ending and will never stop.
We are constantly changing to fit into the surrounding around us,
and we are constantly changing as time goes by.
Who you are in the past, may not be who you are now and in the future...

God, through all these changes that is taking place constantly,
Help me to set my eyes upon you so no matter how different I may be in the future,
One thing that will not change and will not be different, is my love and hope in you.

Life is not all that bad, my friend, hmmm
If you believe in yourself
If you believe there's someone
who walks through life with you
You'll never be alone
Just learn to reach out
And open your heart
Lift up your hands to God
And he'll show you the way.

And he said, "Cast your burdens upon me
those who are heavily laden,
Come to me, All of you who are tired
Of carrying heavy loads,
For the yoke I will give you is easy
And my burden is light,
Come to me and I will give you rest."

When you feel the world
is tumbling down on you
And you have no one
That you can hold on to,
Just face the rising sun
And you'll see hope,
And there's no need to run
Lift up your hands to God,
And he'll make you feel all right.

And he said "Cast your burdens upon me
Those who are heavily laden,
Come to me, all of you who tired
Of carrying heavy loads,
For the yoke I will give you is easy
and my burden is light,
Come to me and I will give you rest."