I know despite of all of the roller coaster rides, I'm blessed.

SIGH

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

Words Must Wait

Don't talk to me yet;
the wound is fresh,
the nauseous pain
I can't forget
fades into numbness
like a wave,
then come again.
Your tears I understand,
but grief is deaf;
It cannot hear the words
you gently planned and tried to say

But...

Pray....

Ruth Bell Graham
From Sitting By My Laughing Fire

"Faith is... Remembering I am God's priceless treasure when I feel utterly worthless."
~ Pamela Reeve

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A little girl was visiting her grandmother in the country. One evening they sat and enjoyed the panorama of stars in the heavens- such sparkling brillance the little hadn't seen, living in the city with all the lights. She was in awe of the beauty and said to her grandmother, "If heaven is so beautiful on the wrong side, what must it be like on the right side?"

Its funny how night and day can play such an integral role as to how you're feeling.

State of the unconscious heart

As darkness slowly creeps in
The familar scenes start replaying
The same old tune of the night
The uncontrollable feelings of the heart.

Entertaining them seemed like the ideal way to go
But with each step you take
It only gets deeper and darker
With each beat of it
The viscious cycle continues

It slowly engulf every bit of your sanity
Savoring every moment of it
Over time, the control over it is lost
You go with the flow
Allowing yourself to sink even further

But through it all you realise
That embracing and acknowledging
was the best way out of it
That praying and believing
will lead you of out it
That understanding and accepting
will help you come to terms with it.

After great pain, a formal feeling comes

After great pain, a formal feeling comes --
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs
The stiff Heart questions, was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The Feet, mechanical, go round --
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought --
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone --

This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor --
then the letting go --

Emily Dickinson

Sitting by the window

Sitting by the window
Basking in the solitary night
With a mind that is wandering
And a heart that is not right.

Sitting by the window
Trying to set my thoughts aright
But some tasks are just too challenging
That it is not worth giving it a try

Sitting by the window
Hoping for some enlightenment
However with a clouded sight
Even the most beautiful moments turn ugly overnight

Sitting by the window
With tears trickling down my eyes
I thought I could contain it
But it was all a lie

Sitting by the window
With the anguish pain still there
I attempted to reconcile
"All In Vain" was the words that came to mind

Sitting by the window
I tried to figure out why?
But some things are just unexplainable-
Like the extreme pain inflicted leaving no trace behind...

Letting Go

I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me
And then one night
Out of the blueI heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that's what He wants
Every heart to do
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand

Why be afraid
For God knows what you're feeling
But even He can't do a thing
If He sees the heart's not willing
And so we ask what's going on
We want what's right and still do wrong
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you'll understand
Just let go and you'll understand