no matter what, you got to hang in there, you hear me??!??! :(

I wish I could hug you and tell you things will be alright
But deep down inside I'm all confused and afraid.
Confuse as to how to talk to you
and Afraid that you will leave me so soon.

All I could do now is to pray and cry to myself from afar
I really wished things are gonna be okay.
I know you will have to leave someday
but I wasn't expecting it to be so sudden.

I want to talk to you
but I know even before I start, tears will just flow.
I guess I just don't tell you enough
How much you mean to me and how much I love you.

You were like a mum to me
A friend who I can talk to and be comfortable with.
I don't want to to lose you
because I don't know how to deal with it.

I tell myself its for the better if you really needed to go
but I cant convince my heart and mind to accept that
I really hope you'll be alright
Because if you do leave, I really don't know how I'll deal with it
I really have no clue how to.

Maybe denial will help me for now...

God, if you hear my cries
Please make everything alright.

Sitting on the sofa in the living room and starring out of the window, I see families with their dog(s) taking a walk/jog in the park and somehow I start to envision my future. The simplicity of taking a stroll in the park with your loved ones that will bring nothing but immense joy.

Until I find out what I'm really meant to pursue and do with this one shot in life, I hope I'll learn to treasure each opportunities that comes and to do my best each day.

What dreams and faith can do

It was such a pleasant walk back from school today. It seems as though God was speaking to me.. I was thinking a few days about getting a Phd (far fetch dream) and I kind of have a different view on it now. I used to think it was pointless and useless to prove your worth and abilities with a cert. I thought it was highly unnecessary because so long you're dilligent and strive to do your best, you'll get there someday. However, society is changing. Self worth=qualification. Nothing else matters besides qualification. You may think I wanna prove my self worth by thinking about attaining a PHD but NO. To change the perception of individuals and to get them to listen to you and to add some credentials to your words, PHD is vital. Afterall, credibility is everything now. To make a difference, you have to be credible

Getting a PHD is not about proving how smart you are, Its about using it to best serve society and to make a difference. Talking about it, I'm kind of feeling excited. Obviously, I wont lie and say that having a "Dr. added to your name is something that I wouldn't be looking forward too. Talk is cheap and the road towards attaining it is difficult, filled with lots of obstacles and hurdles. For one, I'm not born a genius neither am I some gifted kid. I've always struggled with academic and still am. Always struggled with writing and expression and still am but all these doesn't matter. Its the process that consist of all these flaws that will help you get where you wanna be. Its a learning experience. I"ll get there someday and if I ever lose faith, I hope that the song(What faith can do-Kurtless) will inspire me to strive on and move forward.

What faith can do -Kurtless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much moreThan what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

"To be first, You have to be last, You have to be humble, You have to be less judging." Finally understood this today.

Hopefully, this is not some random, insane thought of mine. I hope this dream of mine(for now even though I'm feeling strongly about it) will become a reality one fine day.
Nevertheless, ONE STEP AT A TIME! :)

Its been so long since I wrote here but its always a good place to relieve some stresss. Stress level is really bursting through the roof right now. 2 essays due one after another and here I am feeeling so darn stress that its affecting my progresss. who have I to blame?

Fighting the battle against myself alone and even if people would like to help, there is no way they can help. I just hope i dont sink way down. Even if i dont reach shore, i hope i could tread enough to keep my head up.

Goodbye

I guess no matter how many goodbyes i'm exposed to or have been exposed to, I can never be fully numb to the feeling of goodbye. It sucks but that's life.

come to think of it, you knew just what i needed to push me and see me through this coming 2 weeks before the break. Though this stomach of mine is giving me problems, causing me to tire easily and have tensional headaches,you gave me something to motivate me to go on. For that, I thank You. Couldnt have done it without You.

Its been a long while since i've written a post here but today, its a day worth remembering because of the sacrament of reconciliation. Today's confession was different. I was telling myself while waiting for confession: "if you're not gonna do anything about it after you go, then whats the point of going?". Despite that, i went on with it and it felt good. I liken it to having a bath- feeling clean and recharge. You wouldnt know or you can't determine what will happen after but as long as I keep working at it, i think i will get somewhere. Its tough, really but i would like to think i can do it and will make it someday.