The biggest struggle in life is to battle the thoughts that is running through your head and the biggest enemy in your life is always yourself! How true, how true...

I can't believe until now, I'm still facing this problem. I shouldnt have underestimated it in the first place.

why can't my heart come to stillness and my mind come to rest?

JUST STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its amazing how I can feel SO hopeful one day and feeling so skeptical about things the following.

I was just complaining and whining to my parents how much i HATE studying (Apparently I always do that before exams acc to my dad) and they replied: JUST STUDY.
I asked them what IF I didnt make it or didnt do well enough to get to somewhere, they said don't entertain that thoughts and just do your best.
They said eversince young, i didn't like or enjoy studying at all.
They asked me if I rather spend another 3 more years in poly or just endure these few months and get it over and done with. (The answer to this is obvious i think)
They (more so my dad) told me I'm feeling like that because I don't see a point or purpose in studying and if I really feel passionate about something, I will never fail to do it to the best of my ability. Truth to be told, I have been searching eversince last year and have no come to a conclusion yet which tend to irritate a lot of people because i use this as an "excuse" for bad results! hahaha.
My dad added on that in this world, you need the qualification(s), no matter how long you need or take to arrive there
My dad said theres always elsewhere if Singapore has no place for you.
I guess whatever he said made sense.
However, i didnt tell them or they didnt realise is.... I'm afraid and scared. why so? I'm not that sure either. Prob afraid of disappointing them and the people around me.

I know I'm probably not the only one feeling like this out there and I know I can be a real bummer at times, giving excuses not to study and time to time pacify myself by saying theres always other alternative. But seriously... SIGHSSSSSSSS reality is really hard to accept huh?

Going for mass soon. God, hope you can instill this tinie weenie passion in me for studying.
Or at least let me see a purpose in doing so..

:)

When humaness took over and clouded my view, you Lord took me by my hands, held it tight and walked with me, whispering gently into my ears saying things will be alright...

Taking a short short break from studying just to say......
I LOVE YOU, MY LORD!!!!

Thank you for the peace you've placed in my heart amidst all these craziness and mad rush to study and catch up with what I need to
Thank you for telling me that you are still with me and still in control
Thank you for helping me to view things with a more positive mindset.
Thank you for loving me the way I am
Thank you for everything big and small that has happened recently because it reminded me of how depedent I am on you and how much I need you

Help me to listen to no one else but you, Lord. :)

I'm swept away by the wonder of your love
How one so great could love this one so small
When i realised the distance between your heart and mine
I'm amazed when you call me to your side...

Lord, I leave the outcome into your hands. I dont want to predict and to think about it because I know you already hold my future in your hands. Just help me not to disappoint you.

Self discovery is the best way to get to yourself better and it is the best way to distinguish which is which from the whole array of emotions.

Been feeling rather off lately and have not been in the best of mood. Sort of change the way i respond to certain individual(s)(I'm really sorry). I know this is yet another process of the whole growing up thing and getting to know yourself better and what you truely are and not what other people make you up to be. Oh well. I hope i take away some learning points from this whole episode. Its time to come to a closure soon and to start doing what I urgently need to do instead of entertaining such thoughts. ITS NO FUN!!! I'm just glad that I am on my to getting back on the correct track.

Tough it may seem but hopefully, fulfilling and enriching. : )

Your Grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me..

Only when you learn to let go, will your heart be filled with peace...

I realised I'm a quiet person after all despite all the noise I'm capable of making....

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Sometimes I wish I could leave it all behind
Sometimes I wish I could learn to try
But as much as I try,
I know this moment will always leave
A trace in my mind...

And so the month of May has just begun...

Was thinking about some stuff on the way home from church. Decisions we made be it several years ago or just a few days ago have a lot of impact and plays a huge role in our current situation and the future. The decision made a few years back has already been made and there is nothing that could be done to change it, even as much as one would like too. It could feel like the right thing to do at that moment, going ahead with what you wanted. However, as time goes by, things have change and you start to wonder if that was the correct one you've made at that point of time when you were so caught up with going along the way you wanted things to be like.

God, i'm starting to doubt certain decisions that i have made and I need the affirmation from you, Lord because you were the one that brought me this far since that moment.