Unexpected

It all started when my housemate asked me if I know who Reinhard Bonnke is. I thought that name sounded familar for some reason but I couldnt recall who he was. My housemate then told me that he is a famous evangelist and asked if I was interested to attend his session tonight at the convention centre. Being the lazy me, I gave a lot of reasons saying that I've work to do. its a sat night, I wont feel comfortable etc and then she retorted saying you're always lazy. That kind of knock something into my head. I mean all those excuses is so that I wont have to leave the house, wouldnt have to get changed etc. One thing I was uncomfortable with which I didnt mention to her is it was a christian event and I was skeptical about it. After some thought, I relented and said ok, I'll go.

When we arrived at the convention centre, I was totally amazed at the crowd gathered there to hear him speak. I was thinking to myself, he must be something for about an approximate 2000 people to be there. Initially, I had a bad vibe about this whole thing but as the session unfold, I thought to myself, wow, its something like charismatic. Well, the order was about the same. P&;W, talk, healing. It brought back fond memories of my friday evening in church. I didnt expect much out of the session frankly but I believe I was wrong because I teared and I could have that initimate time with God once again. It was nice to see so many people praising God and it was comforting to be reminded once again of just how awesome God is. Seeing the sea of people lifting their hands, giving glory and praise to God stirred something in my heart. I believe God wanted me to be present there tonight to rekindle my love I have for Him as well as the much needed motivation for my finals.

What can I say? You are an awesome God and I will be a fool if I choose to turn my back and not try to walk alongside with you.

Do not judge

I have quite a number of thoughts and feelings going on now but I dont know how to best describe it. All I know is I dont think I'm satisfied with who I am right now.

Hello God,

I've one request this Easter..
Take me to Easterland, will You?? :)

??

1) I'm getting really exhausted (not physically)
2) I'm glad for the upcoming break. I need time alone with You amidst all other things going on.
3) I'm somehow glad but yet apprehensive to move on
4) My inner mechnism is too complicated for me to understand why i react certain ways
5) I'm reminded today of how much I hate conflict and cannot seperate my thoughts from it.

Can't be away for long

Hello God,

I owe you this post and my heartfelt thanks for revealing how much You loved and remembered me even when I strayed away and choose to lead life my own way. I can say this is one of the lowest spiritual downfall I've been through. Being indifferent is the worse emotion one can feel in this circumstance. Though its a slow process to get back up and going, being away from a community of friends who could build and pick me up when I fall makes it even harder to return back to You but You definitely have a way with me. You know my soft spot and You know how I'm like, thankfully. Thank You for what I felt and experienced on sat during mass. It was a magical moment. You changed and moved me quietly and gently. Looking at the cross reminded me of how much you loved me and how much you are willing to go through for me. No one can go through what You've been through for the name of love, definitely. The songs sung during mass also emphasize your everlasting love. Love was definitely the theme on sat.

You know, I really had no idea how to rebuild the r/s I had with You after sliding all the way down to pit bottom but one thing I forgot is you still had a string attached on me which is connected to you. You were pulling the string upwards when i was sliding downwards. You were always there. I've nothing great to offer to You this season of lent but I offer You my broken spirit and heart. Take it and use it as You will. This lent will be journey for me to slowly return back to you. To rebuild this relationship again. I hope this is sufficient for You. :)

Photo from http://www.google.com.sg/imglanding?q=God+hugging+a+child&um=1&hl=en&rlz=1T4ASUT_enSG415SG416&tbs=isch:1&tbnid=DKuxuLIzDGgCSM:&imgrefurl=http://doanetiger.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html&imgurl=http://internetpaul.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/child-of god.gif&ei=S8CRTdmJCYKmvgOY1NXxBw&zoom=1&w=386&h=297&iact=hc&oei=F8CRTcfFLobovQOFyKTzBw&page=3&tbnh=169&tbnw=210&start=41&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:41&biw=1345&bih=503

hello?

Are You trying to tell me something?? Somehow I really think you are because you're sending those beloved friends of mine with similiar problems to me. Not 1 but a few.. Maybe you're trying to tell me that if my circumstance is different, i wouldnt be able to love and care as much as i can right now... hmmm. whatever it is, help me to love others as You have loved them.

I know i've been struggling with certain issues of late and a rather cranky being but I dont know the real reason behind it. whatever reasons that are being mentioned are all speculative and not definite. Its hard when you want to be be the best you can be but for some unknown reason(s), held back.

Yippy!

Depsite not sleeping for the whole entire night to stay up to do my essay which is only due next week, I'm feeling so relieved and happy! I got the bulk of the essay done! All i need to do now is to reference and vet through over andover again! Thank you, Lord for seeing me through the night! YAY!!!!

random

A reminder that we are made from ashes and to ashes we shall return... that aside, Psych lecture today was about emotions. The lecturer made us do the laughter exercise and told us that if we feed off more positive energy, we will in turn be more postive and happier. If we are stuck in a depressive environment with lots of negative feelings in the air, we will in turn feel negative. I guess that is why I've been in an emotional mess lately. Firstly, the essays and impending presentations are driving everyone nuts. I've been breathing and surviving on negative air which affects me as well. Secondly, a dear friend of mine returned  back to sg. I thought it wouldnt have an effect on me but i come to realise that it affected me quite a bit. Its been "lonelier", quieter and definitely different without her. its no doubt why i'll feel more miserable. Though I know its not an excuse to feel down and unhappy but i've to acknowledge that I've succumbed to such situations and have been affected by it. A lot of thinking have made me worst as well. Time to do something about it.

O Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul...

Totally seeking the wrong things now man.

It suck to know I've reduced to this state
Its disheartening to know how dull i've become
Once a follower of optimism
but now a believer of the otherwise.

I need to be aware of the dangers this will entail
I need to acknowlwdge what effect this will have on others
I need to seperate my mood from my actions, words and deeds.
I need healing and I need a miracle.

Psychology, you're interesting but you suck as well!!